You ask me for my story and I ask – which version should I tell?  How much of the heartache, disappointment, and self-deprecation do I focus on?  Or do I focus on the great joy, love, achievements and success I have experienced?  The later certainly has outweighed the former. So why have I focused and put more weight on the former? No pun intended.

As a child I was raised in a family with much love, excitement, chaos and food. Being one of 12 the challenge was to be noticed and of course liked.  I remember being the designated baker and would bake all of the birthday cakes or other treats.  “If I do this they will like me”, I would rationalize. Continuing this practice I would try to woo friendship with cookies, cakes, etc.
While I was not an unusually large child I matured early and therefore quickly stood out as much larger than my siblings or friends. So in my mind, I was “fat”.  I tried a litany of diets and plans to become what I believed was the right size.  Thus began the roller coaster in my weight. Throughout college – thinking “if I just lose weight, I will have boyfriends, friends, be popular”.  Then when it didn’t materialize after the weight loss I would say – forget it and gain it back.  Depression followed failed attempts and what a great friend food is – it’s always there and at least temporarily fulfills only to be followed by depression which of course was followed by more food.
In my early 20’s I was blessed to meet my husband – a wonderful godly man who loved me regardless of my size.  I always promised myself I would not be heavy in my wedding pictures and successfully lost weight and at least for a few days I was at my goal weight at 135lbs.  After the wedding I continued my roller coaster and my weight went back up topping out at 228.  In addition to the extra weight I had 4 c-sections leaving my body an embarrassing blob.
The year I turned 50 – I decided it was time to take charge.  I hired a personal trainer, lost 50, ran a half marathon and changed my habits.  At that point I decided that the greatest gift I could give myself was a healthy lifestyle and being a good steward of the great health my genetics offered me.  At that point I decided to visit Dr. Pousti and improve my body-image even more.  I have been thrilled with the results – as has my husband.
In no way is this the solution to a life of roller coaster rides but it has moved me closer to being who I believe God created me to be.  So the life of heartache, disappointment, and self-deprecation…it will always be an excerpt in my life but I have chosen for it to be a footnote instead of a key chapter. I’m choosing, instead, to write new and revised versions.  I have been blessed, loved, cherished and that is where I choose to live.
Thanks for you and your incredible staff playing a part in this new edition.